Christmas Movies Rule By Following Christmas Movie Rules

I’ve been on vacation this week, and so have had plenty of time to catch up on my Christmas-movie watching. It made me realize there are certain rules to the genre:

    • All stockings must have a candy cane artfully hanging out.
    • Putting the star or angel on the top of the tree is not just something you do when you’re done hanging the ornaments. There must be some sort of ceremony involved.
    • Also, every tree has a beloved ornament from a late parent.
    • Christmas carolers have to look like they just escaped the set of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”
    • You’d think that toy-makers would be a merry bunch, but no. They are inevitably villains out to ruin the holiday.
    • For some reason, greedy types never go into business alone. They always have an equally avaricious partner (now deceased), or they run a toy company (see above).
    • Salvation Army Santa Clauses are surprisingly prone to violence.
    • Getting caught under the mistletoe can never be an accident. It’s a sign you’re meant to be together forever…
    • …But you never realize you’re supposed to be together forever until Christmas Eve.
    • It absolutely, positively has to snow, even if it’s 79 degrees.
    • Santa’s brothers, uncles, daughters and cousins are real goof-ups, but they come through in a big way in the end.

Got any more rules you’d like to add? Leave them in the comments section. Oh, and…



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